Word Wise

Web-time Story

Www may stand for World Wide Web but it could as easily stand for Wild, Wild, West given how there’s no agreement among writers, stylebooks, and glossaries about how to format its lingo – what to capitalize (listerv or Listserv or LISTERV*), what’s one word or two (home page or homepage**), and what has periods between letters (URL or U.R.L.***). So until the day arrives when we can all hold hands, sing “Kumbayah,” and agree that it’s e-mail not email, it’s probably easiest to use AP style and follow the exact formats below (it’s Ethernet, not ethernet, etc.)  AP-approved: blog broadband byte CD-ROM cyberspace, cybercafe, etc. dial-up DVD e-mail, e-book, e-commerce, e-business, etc. Ethernet GIF gigabyte home page HTML HTTP (but lowercase in URLs) hypertext, hyperlink Internet intranet iPod Java JavaScript JPEG Listserv login, logon, logoff (nouns) log in, log on, log off (verbs) megabyte, megahertz MySpace podcast screenshot the Web URL VoIP (Voice Over Internet Protocol) Web-based Web log Web site webcast, webinar, webmaster, webcam, etc. wiki Wikipedia Wi-Fi World Wide Web    Yahoo (not Yahoo!, no matter what the Yahoo people say) AP, while a valuable resource in these matters, can be a pain in the ass, too, because once it decides a word or phrase is commonly accepted, it sometimes fails to include it in new editions. So “blog” was in the ’05 edition, but not in ’06. The word “wiki” isn’t in any print edition that I can find, but is located on APStylebook.com. So save this list because you won’t find it again all in one place! Lastly, AP uses quotation marks around blog titles (“Word Wise,” “The Sartorialist,” “Micro Persuasion”) and video game titles (“Wii,” “New Super Mario Bros.”) and, should you ever have to refer to more than one computer mouse, it’s computer mice. Eek! I could find no AP reference to the following so I suggest you format like this:    blogosphere extranet instant message (but IM) RSS vlog  webisode * AP Stylebook (listerv), New York Times Manual of Usage and Style (Listserv), Webster’s New World Dictionary of Computer Terms (LISTSERV) ** AP Stylebook (home page), New York Times (homepage) *** AP Stylebook (URL), New York Times (U.R.L.)

Note: I started the first sentence in this post with three Ws in a row – gheesh, it looks awful, doesn’t it? In any case, even if a word is lowercase normally, if it starts a sentence it’s got to be uppercased. (“I love my iPod. IPods are easy to use.” That, at least, is AP style.) (On a related note, when referring to people  who in their own life format their names unconventionally, you must still format it according to accepted style, so though e. e. cummings carved out his artistic niche with a devil-may-care attitude toward capitalization (“suppose Life is an old man carrying flowers on his head...”), to us he’s E. E. Cummings. Ditto “k.d. lang” (K. D. Lang).

Editorial Crutches

Everyone has them - the overuse of “despite” to single out a point of difference, relying on “however” to get you through a sentence, the ubiquitous “meanwhile” that lets you slip effortlessly into a new paragraph. And each, used sparingly, is fine. But they are, in any case, editorial crutches, the things you depend on for support. It’s worth identifying your editorial crutches not so you can avoid using them entirely, but so you can go back during the editing process and question their necessity. After all, your writing should be robust enough, and clear and energetic and dynamic enough, to stand on its own without the aid of such devices. In fact, my editorial crutch is “in fact.” I use it willy-nilly as I write and then go back and determine in each case if it’s essential for the sake of clarity or precision. If it's not absolutely necessary, I delete it. (I tried to fight using it altogether as I wrote but found thinking about it too much was too hard. As the writer Elaine May, who helped write the movie "Tootsie," once said, "When you start, you think you can do anything. And then you start to get a little tired.") Anyhow, I end up deleting most of them. You’ll find that if you too review your work, most of these crutches can be deleted. You won’t fall down, and, in fact, neither will your text.

Note: I'm curious to know if you think you have editorial crutches, and what they are.

Who or Whom? Ho Hum.

If there’s any grammar bugaboo that confounds people, it’s when to use “who” and when to use “whom” (it’s right up there with the lie/lay and effect/affect conundrums). First, stop worrying – in the pantheon of things to worry about in the world, “who” and “whom” barely crack the top 10. Second, when it comes to conversational English, you can almost always drop “whom” altogether and rely on “who” –  except, perhaps, if you find yourself sipping sherry with the Queen of England (understandably, she’s a stickler about these things) or reminiscing with your 7th grade language arts teacher. In formal or semi-formal written English, however, understanding when to use which word is still handy (that said, when in doubt, always default to “who”; there’s nothing more stuffy sounding than a mistaken “whom,” while few but the most persnickety harrumph over an indecorous “who”). Okay, enough qualifying. Who is a subject. Whom is an object. Who does something. Whom has something done to it. In other words, who does it to whom. I know what you’re thinking now: nice in theory, Dan, but spare me the complicated grammar lingo. Fair enough: Here are two rules, in descending order of commitment. Rule # 1: Substitute “he” for “who” and “him” for “whom.” Did Brian know whom we were supposed to invite to the play date? (We were supposed to invite “him,” so “whom”). She invited whom? (She invited “him.”) Did Ella know who was invited to the play date? (“He” was invited, so “who.”) Rule # 2: If you have to think about this for more than 10 seconds when writing, choose “who” and move on. Life’s short enough as it is.

Note: Another "who" dilemma is between “who” and “that.” A person can be either a “who” or a “that” but a thing is always a “that.” As far as dogs, cats, platypi, and the rest of the animal kingdom go, it’s a finer distinction. If you’re referring to random animals, they’re “that,” but if you’re referring to animals whose names you know, they’d be “who.” Dogs that have long hair are my favorite animals. Not surprisingly, my dog, Bailey (below, yawning at the ho-humness of it all), is a dog who has long hair.

IM What IM

As I walk around my office I can see my colleagues’ instant message boxes on their computer monitors – they’re usually in the upper left. While no doubt many are chatting with friends, an increasing number of them are talking with clients and colleagues. Instant messaging is hardly a new technology, but using IMs to communicate with colleagues and clients is a new challenge many of us are, or soon will be, facing. A 2006 survey from the American Management Association and The ePolicy Institute claims 35 percent of employees already IM at work.  Just as with e-mail, IMing with colleagues and clients is prone to all sorts of abuse and misuse, and I’ll leave the details of those discussions to lawyers, security experts, ethicists, and your boss. Writing IMs with colleagues and clients can be fraught with land mines, though, so follow these rules so none of them blow up in your shana punim. Official policies: If your office has them, dude, follow them. Sensitive information: Instant messages not only aren’t ephemeral, they’re subpoena-able, and they can be saved and sometimes even archived, so obviously you want to limit, if not totally avoid, exchanging confidential or sensitive information. Gossip: As tempting as it can be, don’t say bad stuff about other people even if they are bad people. (Follow Alice Roosevelt Longworth’s advice – “if you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me” – and go dish in person.) Nasty language: Don’t use racist, sexist, homophobic, obscene, threatening, intimidating, or harassing language. If you wouldn’t say it out loud to my mother (a lovely 82-year-old who does tai chi three days a week), don’t write it in an IM. Let’s (not) get personal: Don’t get all chatty Cathy and personal – it’s especially easy to do while IMing and before you know it you’ve got a coffee date set up for Saturday with your client contact.  Style and formatting: While you don’t need to follow AP style or Strunk & White, you do need to maintain a professional demeanor: use a simple font (save the Curlz MT for another time) in black (magenta went out of style in eighth grade), avoid emoticons (the occasional smiley to connote tone is ok), and limit acronyms to the usuals (CYL, BTW, TTYL, etc.). If you find yourself using LOL a lot, you’re having too much fun. Gone but not forgotten: Use your away status when you’re away and don’t write BRB and go to a four-hour meeting or a three-martini lunch or a two-day conference or a one-week stay at Canyon Ranch. Create specific away messages – on the phone, at lunch, suffering ennui, cowering beneath my desk, surfing Monster.com – so  people know not to expect an immediate response. Screen names: It might be hot to be known among your friends as BikerBabe or SixPackAbsGuy, but keep your extracurricular activities extracurricular and restrict yourself to a name that won’t embarrass you when you see your colleague in the ladies room or your client at a trade show. Your name – really, your name with maybe a number attached, as in Santow82 – works nicely. Finally, if you're IMing with a client in the upper left of your screen and with your girlfriend in the lower right, yikes, be careful (actually, I'd suggest not doing it, but, sadly, I'm not in charge). Nothing's worse than getting mixed up and asking your client if he's going commando and your girlfriend if the PowerPoint slide is ok. Generally speaking, with friends, friends-with-benefits, boyfriends, and girlfriends, while at work avoid online flirting, seducing, cooing and wooing. Remember, you're at work – go work.