Who or Whom? Ho Hum.

If there’s any grammar bugaboo that confounds people, it’s when to use “who” and when to use “whom” (it’s right up there with the lie/lay and effect/affect conundrums). First, stop worrying – in the pantheon of things to worry about in the world, “who” and “whom” barely crack the top 10. Second, when it comes to conversational English, you can almost always drop “whom” altogether and rely on “who” –  except, perhaps, if you find yourself sipping sherry with the Queen of England (understandably, she’s a stickler about these things) or reminiscing with your 7th grade language arts teacher. In formal or semi-formal written English, however, understanding when to use which word is still handy (that said, when in doubt, always default to “who”; there’s nothing more stuffy sounding than a mistaken “whom,” while few but the most persnickety harrumph over an indecorous “who”). Okay, enough qualifying. Who is a subject. Whom is an object. Who does something. Whom has something done to it. In other words, who does it to whom. I know what you’re thinking now: nice in theory, Dan, but spare me the complicated grammar lingo. Fair enough: Here are two rules, in descending order of commitment. Rule # 1: Substitute “he” for “who” and “him” for “whom.” Did Brian know whom we were supposed to invite to the play date? (We were supposed to invite “him,” so “whom”). She invited whom? (She invited “him.”) Did Ella know who was invited to the play date? (“He” was invited, so “who.”) Rule # 2: If you have to think about this for more than 10 seconds when writing, choose “who” and move on. Life’s short enough as it is.

Note: Another "who" dilemma is between “who” and “that.” A person can be either a “who” or a “that” but a thing is always a “that.” As far as dogs, cats, platypi, and the rest of the animal kingdom go, it’s a finer distinction. If you’re referring to random animals, they’re “that,” but if you’re referring to animals whose names you know, they’d be “who.” Dogs that have long hair are my favorite animals. Not surprisingly, my dog, Bailey (below, yawning at the ho-humness of it all), is a dog who has long hair.

Comments

[b. collins]

honestly, i hope you're going to compile these. i've read dozens of style manuals, but never seen such lovely writing as yours here. funny, warm, clever and--the sine qua non in these things--perfectly circumspect.

it could be the style manual for the next century.

strunk and santow.

sorry.

santow and strunk

[Christel van der Boom]

Dan,

Can you go into the difference between who and that refereng to people? On several occassions I've had discussion with coworkers abour this... it would be helpful if you could lay down the rules.

Thanks,Christel

[Nick]

Personally, I just go with "who" by default (I subscribe closely to the 10 second rule).

Also, I just want to comb Bailey's ears.

[Dan Santow]

Brian – know any editors? Seriously, others have suggested I somehow collect these posts into a book and I’m all for it (and am trying to figure out how best to go about it).

Christel, as I noted in the “note” in the post itself, people can be either a “who” or a “that.” That said, according to the Washington Post’s Bill Walsh, in his book The Elephant’s of Style, “Does ‘toymakers’ mean toymakers as in Geppetto (who) or toymakers such as Mattel (that)? When in doubt, go with ‘that,’ as in a reference to toymakers or importers that might include one-person operations as well as multinational corporations.”

Nick, any time you’d like to groom my dog – god knows he can get mangy – you’re welcome to him.

[Mauro Turcatti]

As a non-English mothertongue, I love rule #2!

[jvm]

You had me at grammar bugaboo! But the photo of the dog sealed the deal completely.

And, um, oh yeah, the who/whom stuff was good 411 to have in the backpocket too.

[Jeremy]

I've been seeing the word "myself" used incorrectly more and more often. Please help...

[Dan Santow]

Jeremey, here's the 411 on "myself," though I'm reserving the right to do a regular blog entry on this someday soon since it's a common problem for people.

Many of us fall back on referring to ourselves as myself (as in "Bailey, Silas, and myself like deviled eggs") because we don’t know whether it’s "Bailey, Silas, and I" or "Bailey, Silas, and me."

"Myself" shouldn’t take the place of the ordinary pronouns "I" and "me" – it should only be used to refer to the subject ("I consider myself lucky to be alive!" in which "myself" refers to the subject, "I") or for emphasis ("I made the 600 calls myself!").

[Chris Marritt]

"Who does it to whom"
There's one line I'm going to try to remember forever.
Yet again, brilliantly reducing a complicated rule I've never managed to get my head around into a few lines of understandable prose.
When are you going to put all this in a book?

[Lois]

Dear Dan,
Surely it's not strictly correct to say that people can also be a "that"? When I was taught English in school it was drilled into us that people should always be referred to as a "who". It's a real bugbear of mine that "that" seems so acceptable these days. In fact so many strange varieties of English seem to be becoming the norm (here in Australia anyway!) that we've lost track of what's correct and what's been made up as we go along.
All the best,
Lois

[Mel]

Thanks! Gosh, this has been perplexing me for ages. I am in the middle of writing yet another boring paper...I finally had to stop and find out the correct answer to 'who' and 'whom'. Thanks for clearing that up!