Me, Myself, and I

One of the reason so many of us fall back on referring to ourselves as myself (as in “Lucy, Ethel, and myself will attend”) is because we don’t know whether it’s “Lucy, Ethel, and I” or “Lucy, Ethel, and me.” But instead of guessing and at least having a 50 percent chance of being right, we masochistically decide to totally muck things up and use the word “myself” – wrong in this case 100 percent of the time. To those who know the rules, hearing or reading “The only person attending the meeting is myself” or “Max, Jack, and myself will see you later” is like fingernails on a chalkboard. And that ain’t good. Myself and what writer Patricia T. O’Connor calls its self-ish crew (yourself, himself, etc.) shouldn’t take the place of the ordinary pronouns I and me, he and him, and so forth. Learn when to use “I” and when to use “me” and toss “myself” away. Myself and the rest of the crew, in fact, should only be used in two instances: to refer to the subject: “I like to do all the talking myself,” said Oscar Wilde. “It saves time, and prevents arguments.” for emphasis – “I, myself, am made entirely of flaws,” wrote Augusten Burroughs, “stitched together with good intentions.”

Note: We’d never say or write, “Be sure to call I at home tonight,” yet the minute another person is involved we go all wobbly because we’re not sure if it’s “Be sure to call Aida and I at home tonight" or "Be sure to call Aida and me at home tonight." Here’s what to do: Just remove the other person or thing from the sentence. In other words, remove Aida and what are you left with (other than no opera)? "Be sure to call me at home tonight." Voila!

Comments

[kirk]

Hey Dan, thanks for clearing this up. I always get confused by this and end up even mumbling my way through these kinds of sentences in conversation just to get through it. The trick you mention at the end is a great one. I think we get freaked out by speech when sometimes it's about common sense.

I just stumbled upon your blog by way of Steve Rubel's blog: http://www.micropersuasion.com/2007/06/writing_is_part.html

I've shared your blog with my contacts on Facebook. Keep it up! -K

[Lisa Braithwaite]

I posted about this back in February, but you've done a much better job explaining it than I did!
http://coachlisab.blogspot.com/2007/02/me-and-him-him-and-i.html

[Richard Hare]

So should the Yul Brynner musical be titled "The King And Me"?!

[Heidi Cool]

Dan,
Thanks for addressing what has long been a pet peeve of mine. I may talk to "myself," but "myself" neither travels in a pack nor acts upon other objects!

I'm sure most of us were taught about reflexive pronouns as children, but I think that many forget what that means--that the pronoun reflects back upon the subject--rather than acting upon some other object.

[shelly]

I was an English teacher for several years and now I tutor reading and English on a very part time basis. I have always used that trick with my students to help them know which pronoun, I or Me, to pick with the sentence. I am pretty sure I heard it from my English teachers in grade school. I am always surprised at the things that seem simple that people don't know.