Head Case

A press release came across my desk the other day with this headline (the client and contest name have been changed to protect my colleagues!): TAKE TWO: BANANA CORP.® INVITES REAL BANANA LOVERS TO CREATE NEXT GREAT TV SPOT Not bad for a first try. But headlines need to grab readers’ attention by telegraphing important information. Any unnecessary words, words that are confusing, or words that don’t communicate readily understandable information not only take up valuable real estate, they undermine what may be a valuable message.  So what’s the problem here? How about those first two words? Unless I read the release before I read the headline, I’m not going  to have any idea what “Take Two” means or refers to. I’m not going to know why they are there. In other words, before I start I’m already confused and distracted. And I've got enough problems. (As I learned later, ”Take Two” referred to the fact that this is the second time this company has held this contest. Too little, too late.) How about the word “real”? Real banana lovers? – as opposed to those fake, passive-aggressive ones who really don’t like bananas at all or are still among those who think they like bananas but really like plantains? While “real” may have some internal Banana Corp. significance it doesn’t convey that here.    While it was an easy fix, it was one that made a big difference: BANANA CORP.® INVITES BANANA LOVERS TO CREATE NEXT GREAT TV SPOT Because the final headline is shorter and more precise and free of any extraneous words that might confuse or distract me, as a reader I’m able to scoop up the information with my eyes and understand it immediately. I know the news. I got the message. (Job well done.) When writing headlines (and subheads), look at every word and phrase. Ask yourself if its meaning is clear, its intent is evident, and its presence an absolute requirement. Make every word count.

Comments

[Chris Proudlove]

Reminds me of an old sub-editor's joke: Sign outside fishmonger's shop "Fresh Fish Sold Here". "Sir," says clever shopper, "I can make your sign much better. Drop the Sold Here, because everyone knows you won't be giving it away. And drop the word Fresh, because obviously you only sell fresh fish. And you could drop the word Fish ... because you can smell it a mile away!"